What Service Do You Require?

Feb 05 2014 by AJ Moore

What Service Do You Require?

A report detailing a dramatic rise in people using the 999 emergency (UK) telephone number to report minor problems has come back into the UK papers after Manchester United lost on penalties recently. Fans apparently so distraught with the outcome and the performance of David Moyes they turned to the number for support. LOL. People ring 999 for all sorts of reasons, and this reminds me of a time when I was about 6 or 7 years old. I devised a cunning plan. It was about 2:30 in the afternoon on a Sunday, and as you know Sundays are always crappy compared to the rest of the weekend. I was searching for entertainment and I happened on the phone. Young kids can turn anything into a game, and this game became random number dialing followed by a swift hang up upon the answer. “The Perfect crime”. These were the heady “prank caller golden years” long before the now standard ‘number call back’ system. The game continued until ‘999’ ran through my mind. I called it. I heard the operator, listened, and swiftly hung up the phone. Safe in the knowledge I could go about my merry business never to be found out, a secret held between the plastic casing of the old style telephones, the dinning room crime scene and myself. Yes, I felt a rush of adrenaline. I jumped for joy and continued into my bedroom. ‘He-Man’ had an impending battle against a Lego army of Pirates and Knights who had joined forces to stop his outrages taxation of the bedroom floor. “He-Man, we the united armies of the Lego world stand against you and your evil reign across the once peaceful and hospitable land of ‘Bedroomia’. We will kill you until you’re dead! OR DIE TRYING!” A war cry erupts from the Pirate/Kinghts battle lines, and they bang their shields in anticipation of the almost certain death that lays before them. The “Titan” like force across the way supporting ‘He-Man’ is greater in physical size and easily able to disband such an uprising. They laugh out load at the meager threat posed by their tiny adversaries.

“Don’t call them stupid…”

The Battle begins, and death comes quick and fast for the forlorn Lego brothers, screams and shouts ring out for all the room to hear as tiny Lego bodies spill like bowling pins into the thick tufts of carpet all around them. It is a blood bath. Ten mins into the battle, just as it seems all hope is lost for this most desperate and depleted Lego crusade…… A ring of the door bell. Behind the door stood a police constable. He had hightailed it through the mean streets of “Chepstow” in order to thwart some kind of home invasion, or so he thought. After a brief chat with my Dad the ‘Jig’ as they say, was very much up. I sat in the lounge and the officer explained the dangers of prank calls while I starred at the floor. I was a criminal, a possible “jail bird” in the making, and my crime was thrust into the laps of my family members who had to come to terms with this child on the edge of a gang-land life style. So listen up Manchester United fans, calling 999 for anything other than a genuine emergency could lead to terrible and horrific deaths. Human and Lego.