{"id":2347,"date":"2014-02-05T20:17:57","date_gmt":"2014-02-05T20:17:57","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.veryfunkyrecords.com\/?p=2347"},"modified":"2014-05-12T00:21:52","modified_gmt":"2014-05-11T23:21:52","slug":"what-service-do-you-require","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.veryfunkyrecords.com\/?p=2347","title":{"rendered":"What Service Do You Require?"},"content":{"rendered":"

A report detailing a \u00a0dramatic rise in people using the 999 emergency (UK) telephone number to report minor problems has come back into the UK papers after Manchester United lost on penalties recently. \u00a0Fans apparently so distraught with the outcome and the performance of David Moyes they turned to the number for support. \u00a0LOL. \u00a0People ring 999 for all sorts of reasons, and this reminds me of a time when I was about 6 or 7 years old. \u00a0I devised a cunning plan. \u00a0It was about 2:30 in the afternoon on a Sunday, and as you know Sundays are always crappy compared to the rest of the weekend. \u00a0I was searching for entertainment and I happened on the phone. Young kids can turn anything into a game, and this game became random number dialing followed by a swift hang up upon the answer. \u00a0“The Perfect crime”. \u00a0These were the heady “prank caller golden years” long before the now standard ‘number call back’ system. \u00a0The game continued until ‘999’ ran through my mind. \u00a0I called it. \u00a0I heard the operator, listened, and swiftly hung up the phone. \u00a0Safe in the knowledge I could go about my merry business never to be found out, a secret held between the plastic casing of the old style telephones, the dinning room crime scene and myself. \u00a0Yes, I felt a rush of adrenaline. \u00a0I jumped for joy and continued into my bedroom. ‘He-Man’ had an impending battle against a Lego army of Pirates<\/span><\/a><\/span>\u00a0and Knights<\/span><\/a><\/span>\u00a0who had joined forces to stop his outrages taxation of the bedroom floor. \u00a0“He-Man, we the united armies of the Lego world stand against you and your evil reign across the once peaceful and hospitable \u00a0land of ‘Bedroomia’. \u00a0We will kill you until you’re dead! OR DIE TRYING!” A war cry erupts from the \u00a0Pirate\/Kinghts battle lines, and they bang their shields in anticipation of the almost certain death that lays before them. \u00a0The “Titan”<\/span><\/a><\/span>\u00a0like force across the way supporting ‘He-Man’ is greater in physical size and easily able to disband such an uprising. \u00a0They laugh out load at the meager threat posed by their tiny adversaries.<\/p>\n

\"Call<\/a>

“Don’t call them stupid…”<\/p><\/div>\n

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The Battle begins, and death comes quick and fast for the forlorn Lego brothers, screams and shouts ring out for all the room to hear as tiny Lego bodies spill like bowling pins into the thick tufts of carpet all around them. \u00a0It is a blood bath. \u00a0Ten mins into the battle, just as it seems all hope is lost for this most desperate and depleted \u00a0Lego crusade…… A ring of the door bell. \u00a0Behind the door stood a police constable. \u00a0He had hightailed it through the mean streets of “Chepstow”<\/span><\/a><\/span>\u00a0in order to thwart some kind of home invasion, or so he thought. \u00a0After a brief chat with my Dad the ‘Jig’ as they say, was very much up. \u00a0I sat in the lounge and the officer explained the dangers of prank calls while I starred at the floor. I was a criminal, a possible “jail bird” in the making, and my crime was thrust into the laps of my family members who had to come to terms with this child on the edge of a gang-land life style. \u00a0So listen up Manchester United fans, calling 999 for anything other than a genuine emergency could lead to terrible and horrific deaths. \u00a0Human and Lego.<\/p>\n